Royal Bank: the wrong choice for business

I own a business that handles a couple of fairly lucrative contracts a year. My banking needs set the bar fairly low for what I expect from a bank — mostly it’s taking in payments, paying a couple of bills every month, and filing payment for the taxes I owe. This should be pretty straightforward and shouldn’t cost much… unless you bank at RBC.

Their ad for the $6 business checking account is all over the radio these days (so much so that even I heard it, and I don’t listen to the radio). On the onset, that seems remarkably cheap, but it is actually a ripoff. Because to achieve that low figure RBC has cut a lot of features that the “banking advisors” don’t seem too keen to tell you about until you’re signed up and on the hook. Crucially, the big feature that’s been cut is government remittances, which frankly is the killer app for a business banking account.

Yes, you have to pay the Royal Bank a signup fee to be able to pay your taxes online. And frankly you’ll have to pay out the ass for any means to settle an account that you can’t pay in cash, really, because if you don’t pay your taxes online you’ll have to buy cheques (starting at $65 for an order, another Madoff-scale ripoff as far as I’m concerned) or have a money order made, which will cost you $6 or so.

The fee just to sign up to be able to pay your taxes through the RBC web site is $25 a year. Now you’ll think, this is not so bad, if you divide this into 12 that’s just over $2/month… but you’re not done paying yet. At RBC you’re never done paying endless fees for every little thing. For each tax bill that you want to pay you will have to shell out another $2. So if your business has to file sales tax payments every month that’s almost $50 a year for sales tax payments alone, let alone your federal and (if applicable) provincial income tax filings. And if you have a really successful business you’ll also have to make installment payments, either every 3 months or every month. And each time, it’s $2 practically stolen from your business. Kaching, kaching, kaching.

Not that the “external” (i.e. RBC subsidiary) web site is worth shelling out $25 a year for. Admittedly I don’t have huge experiences with business checking accounts and the online services connected to them, having had only two, but RBC’s remittal portal is… well, it’s shit. There’s just no other way of putting it. Your average 12 year old could come up with much better. Not a single hour of contract work was spent trying to make sure that the web app is visually appealing in any way at all, or in performing any sort of usability testing. For example, there is no option to add a payment for your corporate income tax in Quebec. What you must do is register an installment payment, then when you use that item specify the year for which the payment should apply. At the opposite end of the scale when it comes to federal corporate tax payments there is no way to register an operation for installment payments only — you register the operation to pay for your corporate tax, and when you use this item you can then earmark your payment as an installment. No effort whatsoever has been made to make things intelligible or easy to use. It’s just awful,  and hands-down the worst business banking experience I’ve had so far. Had I known, I would have stayed at Desjardins.

My “favorite” feature of it, though, is that it’s only a fake online payment system. It does not actually process your payment online.  Apparently the only thing that shitty “payment” system does is to output a list of tasks which are manually done by a person. This means, among other things, that you cannot use this system to pay for your taxes on the due date, like I could with Desjardins. Instead you can only post transactions to the next working day. And if the next working day is a holiday or legal holiday, that can be up to 4 or 5 days later. I registered a (late) corporate income tax payment today (april 5th) and was informed that it could not be posted before Monday april 9th.

Nor is there any sort of guarantee that the system will even be available at all. Yesterday the system was completely unusable, for instance. It prompted users for a user id and password that they had not created. I was logging in to pay my corporate tax, was unable to do so because of the bank’s incredibly awful, overpriced and badly-designed application wasn’t even available, and as a result my payment will be made 4 days later than it should, incurring me additional penalties. And all because I made the mistake of banking at the Royal Bank.

Nor is RBC any better when it comes to personal banking. Having your account “at the Royal” means an endless litany of fees, long queues at your local branch, and delays which are very difficult to understand. For example, did you know that if you deposit items at an ATM that’s physically connected to your branch, they fall into a black hole for 5 business days? I had this experience recently when I made the mistake of depositing my federal tax refund at the ATM connected to my local branch. I was surprised to find that there was a hold on that deposit that the branch couldn’t remove because in their words they couldn’t know that it was a tax return check. One would expect deposits at a branch’s own ATM to be processed there, but clearly it makes no difference whether you deposit an item at your local branch’s ATM or at one located across the country.

But what really gets my goat about RBC is that they see their customers as nothing but money cows to be milked continuously. Sign up for an account with them and you will find yourself constantly beset by telemarketing upsell calls and endless so-called “free” offers that are designed to suck more and more dollars out of your pockets. I guess they figure that if you’ve had a look at their rates sheet and still bank with them you must be a first-class charlie who exists simply to be exploited and devoured by the parasites of big banking.

So, fuck that. I’m taking my business over to ING. I’ve had a more positive experience with them so far than I’ve had at RBC.

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