You know the ship’s really sinking when the rats decide to bail out.

Karl Rove resigns. To spend time with his family. Yeah, because of the family, that’s the ticket…

They ran out of enthusiasm, 3 years after the rest of the world did…

The Segway Enthusiasts Group of America is pulling the plug at he end of this month due to inactivity. Apparently there just aren’t enough people willing to shell out 5 to 10 grand for a scooter they can’t use on the street or the sidewalk to propel themselves at a speed slightly higher than they can achieve on foot. I’m shocked, SHOCKED I tell you!

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about…”

When insults had class. In our times bile and gall have eclipsed wit when it comes to giving offense; these few entries should remind us of a long-gone time when finesse trumped vulgarity in that area.

“Hey, you didn’t become a weenie. You remained a weenie.”

How to travel back in time to deliver a warning to your former self. Apparently codpieces are due for a major comeback as well.

The Colorado guy might, er, lose face over this.

On July 13th in Japan a car owner also happened to commit suicide by assisted decapitation. Seriously, I thought the guy from Colorado mentioned earlier was at least the first to go in quite such a dramatic fashion, but it turns out that he may be a mere copycat.

Well, that’s no way to get ahead in life…

Colorado man commits suicide in a unique way. Evidently unhappy with various aspects of his life the man tied a cable to a post at a local movie theater, tied the other end to his neck, and drove off.

If I ever get this angry about my job, I hope I have the ability to quit it.

The angriest Winnebago salesman in history. “I gotta read this again because my mind is just a piece of shit this morning…” (language NSFW, unless you’re a sailor).

There’s only one slight catch…

Looking for that $200K+ Ajax programming job? This could be for you. It’s tax-free if you manage to survive for the whole year, too.

They had me going for a while…

Spiders on drugs. Hilarious spoof of those Canadian “wildlife moments” that we’ve all grown up with (in Canada at least).

In these interesting times, what can life do but imitate parody?

Giuliani, when asked about HIV, answers with 9/11. Compare with this article from The Onion, it’s practically prophetic! and this Family Guy clip, it’s uncanny! Let’s be clear — Giuliani has nothing whatsoever to point to when people wonder why they should think about voting for him, so he stands tall on the carcasses of the dead of September 11th and exploits them for all they’re worth. It worked for Bush, didn’t it?