In the spirit of the newly-heightened state of terror alert, a few messages from the DHS.

In the spirit of the newly-heightened state of terror alert, a few messages from the DHS. OK, not really, but messages from the real DHS aren’t too far from these.

US terrorism threat level raised to orange again.

US terrorism threat level raised to orange again. Dubya’s poll numbers must be down these days…

James Bond says: ‘Guns and planes don’t mix’.

James Bond says: ‘Guns and planes don’t mix’. An experience that could leave you shaken if not stirred…

Stolen Van Gogh found behind a toilet now back on gallery walls.

Stolen Van Gogh found behind a toilet now back on gallery walls. Thankfully art criticism is only rarely that harsh.

Eurovision directors fear a Tatu lesbian stunt onstage.

Eurovision directors fear a Tatu lesbian stunt onstage. It would be a, er, cunning stunt? Seriously, I keep hearing a lot of things about Tatu, including a yet-unconfirmed rumor that they actually sing sometimes.

British MPs try and ‘rehabilitate’ former Defence Minister John Profumo, 40 years after his resignation.

British MPs try and ‘rehabilitate’ former Defence Minister John Profumo, 40 years after his resignation. We say, SCANDAL! Seriously though, at least he’s not going to argue with his peers over what the meaning of the word “is” is…

Syria really is harboring Iraqi fugitives after all.

Syria really is harboring Iraqi fugitives after all. In related news, water is found to be wet.

Coca-Cola accused of deception.

Coca-Cola accused of deception. And it’s not even about Coca-Cola containing no coca!

US will soon fingerprint most visitors.

US will soon fingerprint most visitors. That makes me feel real welcome… how about starting with the Saudis, who contributed a whopping 15 of the 19 9-11 criminals? Oh, I forget, Washington is still sucking up to Riyadh.

Aussies get the pet roach bug.

Aussies get the pet roach bug. If you don’t need them to be as big as the ones in the article, move anywhere in Manhattan and you can have a whole menagerie!