An interesting twist to “fiddling while Rome burns”

As if there weren’t already enough known reasons that lead the North American economy to collapse in 08, here’s another — the SEC didn’t see anything bad developing because its staff was too busy looking at porn. So they didn’t see it coming because they were distracted looking at a lot of people coming. They lost sight of the money and concentrated on the money shots. [insert your own porn-themed joke here].

A senior attorney at the SEC’s Washington headquarters spent up to eight hours a day looking at and downloading pornography. When he ran out of hard drive space, he burned the files to CDs or DVDs, which he kept in boxes around his office.

Yes, perseverance is often something to be commended, but it’s really time for that guy to admit he has a problem.

More delivery company fun

I’ve often mentioned the strangely difficult struggle that is trying to get something delivered here. But today I’m in the middle of a story that makes even less sense than most.

I’ve ordered an office chair because the one I have has certain bits that are falling apart. So I ordered one and it was due to be delivered Friday via Fedex Ground. I worked from home Friday, made sure that I wasn’t doing anything that would prevent me getting the door, signed up for delivery notification by email and made sure that the chair was marked as being out for delivery… and around 11:30 got a notification that the Fedex truck had come and gone. This was a little weird, I had been at home all this time and no one had come around. I called Fedex to complain, we fully confirmed my address (including the door code), and everything was correct. When I went downstairs there was a notice on the front door of the building. Next delivery date was today.

Today I again work from home and make sure that I’m able to answer the door when the Fedex people show up. Again I get the delivery exception notification, again I call to complain, again confirm the address. And then when I go downstairs I see a notification. Only now it’s actually in the building (!) on the door of a mailbox, but it’s on the door of the wrong mailbox. Despite the mailboxes being clearly identified and the apartment number for delivery being correctly written on the notification paper. So the Fedex guy actually entered the building without calling me to be let in for some reason, and then proceeded to leave a notice not on my clearly-identified mailbox but on that of a guy one floor below me.

It’s not just today. Clearly for two business days running this Fedex contractor has made it to the building and despite the information he has being 100% correct, and myself being at home waiting for him, has just plain failed to deliver.

Meanwhile the postman had something I needed to sign this morning, he rang up, he was let in, came up to the apartment, got his signature. Just a few minutes ago I got another call from the front door, it was the UPS guy, I let him in, he came upstairs to deliver the package. Yet somehow the exact same instructions just aren’t cutting it with the Fedex guy. I don’t get it. Is this some kind of courier humor? Will the chair end up getting delivered by Ashton Kutcher who will then inform me that I’ve been punk’d? Someone’s putting some effort in it, the only other thing I can think of is that the guy who’s supposed to get the chair to me doesn’t know how to read numbers or something equally ridiculous (how did he manage to find the address then?). It’s beyond comprehension really.

How entirely appropriate!

You may or may not know, but this week is National Procrastination Week. I really wanted to mention this before Thursday, but, you know.

The joys of tooth pain

I have an appointment with my dentist Friday to get not one but *two* root canals… I’m really kicking it up a notch. If dentistry were like World of Warcraft I’d be a Lvl 70 Patient.

Location, location, location

As I walked back from the bar in -16C windy weather having spent the last week in the Caribbean (more on that later) I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a way for me to get back to St. Maarten…

Another place to avoid as a vacation spot…

Imagine this scene — you’ve booked a week’s holiday and enjoyed a bit of Eastern Europe with its tall, leggy blondes and fine beer. You’re getting on a flight to get back to work. Unbeknownst to you Slovakian police have planted explosives in your bag to test their airport security systems, which fail to detect the suspect substance, and now you’re flying at 20,000 feet sitting on top of a bomb and towards arrest. Sounds unlikely? It happened just in the past week.

Feel safer when flying now? Didn’t think so.

When the going gets tough, gutless cowards cut and run

Yes it’s true, Stephen Harper has now suspended Canadian democracy for two months, for no reason except that he found himself unable to shove unacceptable bills down the nation’s throat. What a good way of starting 2010, under a right-wing dictatorship from Alberta. Eventually we will all see this Conservative government for the miserable, catastrophic blight on this country’s history that it is, but by then it just might be too late and Calgary’s neo-Texans might well have sold our future down the river already.

Of course Harper (whom I will never call either Right nor Honorable as I eschew lies) is not the sole person to blame here. A special mention goes to the most incompetent Governor-General in the country’s history, Michaelle Jean, who’s probably too busy jet-setting around the world to realize that the GG’s job is supposed to consist of doing more than just turning to Harper and asking “oh I don’t know, what do YOU think I should do?”.

A neat Googletrick

Ever been desperately curious to know how many seconds are left until the new year? Neither have I, but now that I’ve sewn the seed in your mind, the best way is to go to Google, leave the search text field blank, and click “I’m feeling lucky”. Voila: the seconds that are left until New Year’s day are shown in a countdown.

I think this calls for a facepalm…

In a spectacular display of the sort of current-events knowledge and attention to detail that made her an ideal fit as White House Press Secretary under George W. Bush, Dana Perino went on some Fox News pundit show and affirmed that no terrorist attacks took place in the US while Bush was President. Which must mean that I and millions of others just imagined seeing the WTC buildings collapse into a heap of rubble.

I can barely contain myself!

Today is World Toilet Day, a day of awareness so people can reflect on their less fortunate counterparts who do not have access to proper sanitation facilities. I think it was invented by people who like to make bad puns. The organizers hope that this will lead many developing countries to make sanitation infrastructure their top priority, but I and many others would settle for it being number two [/rimshot]. People who visit the web site are encouraged to twitter their thoughts on the event, but frankly I don’t think that’s such a good idea. So if you’re having a party tonight and there’s an awkward pause just connect your laptop to your TV and celebrate with a mass viewing of 2G1C.