I walk my dog Taz at least twice every day. Sometimes the walks are long, sometimes they’re short. We travel through interesting places in Montreal and see what’s going on. I’ve always made a point of keeping a smile on my face while we’re out.
But today… today I just couldn’t. I tried, but I can’t keep that shit up anymore.
We’re now in the month of June. For the past 5 months now I’ve been looking for a job. Everyday I go to the places where job offers used to be found, and if I find jobs for which I’m at all qualified I apply. I’ve optimized my resume for ATS’s twice now, once using Gemini, once using Claude, and although I’ve gotten 4 leads IN TOTAL from all this effort I’m still looking. And frankly it’s taking a heavy toll on me.
Last year I made the ultimate mistake of accepting a job at Bombardier for which I didn’t even apply. They lied to me about the job being remote, and overall it was a complete shit show. And the worst part was that there was a 2-month gap between the offer and the start of the job so that burned two months of EI coverage pointlessly, so that now my coverage has run out and despite cutting my expenses to the bone I’m seeing my money gradually run out. Another $1600 gone today because, well, rent.
The level of anxiety I’m dealing with is off the charts. My tinnitus was already annoying before but now it feels so loud and unrelenting I sometimes think it must be audible by other people. My depression meds feel less effective with each and every day that passes. I used to enjoy walking with Taz, but now I find myself constantly getting impatient with the poor dog.
Meanwhile, all I see around are corporations sinking BILLIONS of dollars into the monetary black hole that is AI, for the sole purpose of getting rid of human employees because they get in the way of billionaires’ greed, while they also lay off tens or even hundreds of thousands of employees, which only compounds the unemployment issue. We live in a capitalist society where one needs money just to survive. Looking to the future I really cannot see any hope.
I have 25 years’ experience in technical documentation, I’ve also worked as a developer, I’ve set up documentation infrastructures for companies, but it seems that whatever I have, in terms of capability or experience, is something nobody wants. My personal life fares no better. I am beginning to seriously question whether I fit anywhere in this world, and whether I ever have.
This has to end. And it will, one way or another.